Happy Thanksgiving

You know. I've never been a fan of Thanksgiving.

It's just another holiday that I was forced to spend with people who don't like me, and I don't like.

They act like they aren't assholes. That they are nice people. That they care about each other.

None of this is true.

They all act like highschoolers.

They gossip and back-stab and try to be the trendiest family.

And the main thing I am thankful for this year:

I NEVER HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER HOLIDAY WITH THEM AGAIN.

Every year was just torture.

I had to sit and listen to them all gossip about everyone who wasn't there or, at least, wasn't in the room.

They all think they are rather witty and smart and they all have iPhones.

They are very cutting edge.

Some highlights of past Thanksgivings:

Being told I'd get pregnant before my cousin Jader who is at least 10 years older than me.

And after I started crying, saying it was more of a jab at Jader.

I guess that makes it better.

Being followed around by my younger cousin Mikayla, who was obviously parroting something her mother about me, saying I had on too much make up.

Going to Huntington beach and eating dinner in a parking lot on paper plates.

Getting ganged up on by my younger cousins Travis and Ryan and not letting me play basketball with them.

The past few years I have either spent in the car or in a corner with headphones on.

It's hard growing up. And trying to figure yourself out.

It's much harder when the ADULTS in your life don't accept you.

But the person I hate most of all is the Devil that spanwed these hellish children.

Robert Hanes.

He and my grandma are "separated".

He comes over several times a week because he knows he will make her dinner.

They go to the movies every Friday and, generally, she has to drive so he doesn't waste gas.

And just in case you didn't know, he has cheated on my grandma.

BUT NO IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

COME OVER FOR DINNER AND PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY LIKE YOU FUCKING LIVE HERE.

He is an inconsiderate asshole who likes to think he knows what's going on in the world.

And from what I've heard, he likes to send out very humorous emails.

I've tried my hardest to get pushed out of this family and I think I've finally done it.

My aunt JoDee blocked me on Facebook!

You know it's serious when it's Facebook.

And after she blocked me she had to find out my email address and start bothering me there.

Here's my favourite part of it.

You know why I blocked you from facebook and don't act like you don't...

Hahahahaha.

Oh god, so funny.

I've never liked JoDee, though.

She is a hairdresser, hence we had to get our haircuts from her.

Even though she charged us the regular price and, in all honesty, she's not very good.

Don't bother telling her how you want your hair done she does what she thinks will look good.

I am not lying, she said this herself.

But it's okay, because she has built herself the perfect American family:

Husband, a son who plays football, a daughter in cheerleading, a dog and two cats.

And don't even get me started on their first dog that they tortured to death.

I could actually go on for days about her. Trust me.

I hate Jeannie mostly because of her obsession with wine.
She specifically moved this past year to be closer to a winery.
Her daughter Jader got married at a winery.
It's a bit obsessive.
And the only thing they can ever talk about.
Also, she tried to confront me in email and then when I blew her away with my superior language skills she didn't reply.
Yes, you've tried so hard to reach out.

And you want to know something funny?

The "drama" this year.

My uncle Rob wanted to have Thanksgiving at Huntington beach again but HE DIDN'T SEND OUT EMAILS.

Dear lord, what was he thinking?

So before he got a chance, my aunt JoDee sent out emails saying "You can come to our house for Thanksgiving."*

My uncle Rob was very angry about this. But it's his own fault, of course.

But it's okay, because my family wasn't invited in the first place.

I have succeeded. (:

*Although, JoDee didn't cook anything. This morning Cherin was in the kitchen cooking turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, and pretty much all the food.

And while she was doing all this JoDee called and made Cherin drive to her house and bring her the salad she had to "make" a.k.a. put it in a bowl.

But there is a light at the end of this terrible story.

This year my dad, sister, and I went to my dad Aunt Rachel's and I got to experience a real holiday.

One where people like each other. One where no one is talking behind someones back. 

A happy one.

And I am thankful for that.

And I am most thankful for my Grandma Birdie and Grandpa Andy.

They are the kind of grandparents I want to be.

They are funny and nice and I love them.

I really wish I got to see them more.

It really sucks not knowing who your real family is.

I saw people today who I haven't seen in over 10 years and they were happy to see Jessica and I.

And easily made conversation with us.

It was really a nice day.

I had a lot of fun.

And before any of you Hanes start blaming my dad for my mom not coming, shut your ignorant mouth.

I am sooooo fucking tired of you all attacking my dad.

You don't live here. You have no idea what it's like.

You don't know the relationship between my parents.

And I am very excited for this blog to get emailed around and for you to all talk about me.

I'll enjoy it.

Because it just proves me right, once again.

And this is why I am bitter. 

This is why I hate everyone.

This is why I am so fucked up.